Unholy Mammoth

How I Have Made It So Far

Humble Beginnings

Early Cave Painting of me

Hello procrastinators, ladies and gentlemen, I’m humbled and honored to have you here, but, if you are here must be because you are craving my top-notch secrets to wealth, productivity and scratch book journaling, how I, a humble mammoth, born in at the humble age of 0 years old, in the humble Steppes of Pangaea, to a humble pack of Jewish billionaire wholly mammoths amassed such incredible net worth of 400k Clash of Clans’ green Gems! Was I flipping Lindsay Lohan furry NFTs? NO! Those I keep for my self, I could never sell them. Was I flipping complimentary toiletries I took from the hotels where I stayed? No! Or Flipping burgers like a normie? It’s because from a very young age I was flipping the bird to anyone who stood on my way… as I was attempting to maintain balance as I ran with two times my weight in stolen toiletries from unguarded hotel carts, yep, it’s thanks to me that hotel carts are now escorted by armed guards.

Most Wanted!

Formative Years

After that first venture the thrilling frenzy of arbitrage of poorly guarded personal care products, I took some well deserved vacations, it was easy back then that the earth was still round, you could get anywhere walking, I choose to go to a warm place, where I could overheat under my thick coat of fur, and suffer of extreme dehydration, each step carried me through a symphony of nature’s beauty, like sand, more sand, even more sandy sand… please God kill me now to get out of this place, but as luck would have it, when I was about to give up on life and vacations, I was hit by a figurative lightning, some towering stone blocks rise before my eyes, I approached to see have a better look, strange beings with iridescent skin and multi-faceted eyes dart around, working in perfect harmony to build that celestial wonder, they were forming colossal structures that seem to defy gravity, I can’t help but feel a sense of wonder, “I’m humbled and honored” I said has I looked at the symmetrical trapezoidality of that polyhedral building, “the perfect shape for an organization chart!!” I thought to myself, after hanging out there a few hours and making small talk with some of the workers one of the workers told me that their “Multisided architectural constructions would gradually contract their arrangement to a unique apex”, EVEN BETTER!! I told him that I was “humbled and honored”, he sayed “#blessed”, as we parted ways, I returned home right after that.

My vacations

First formal company

Upon returning from my vacation I registered my company, Jamboree LLC because it rimes, the epitome of entrepreneurial brilliance, we sold Nonslip Banana Peels, the perfect solution for people who have absolutely no problems in their lives, a sure way to get rich quick, but I WANTED TO GET RICH QUICKESTIERST, and as they say “your network is your net worth #blessed #hustle #sigma” I had to surround myself with the right go-getter sigma-grindsetter honored and humbled misguided gullible souls, by creating a vast network of this so called driven entrepreneurs, each empowered to build their own success stories though my carefully crafted compensation plan, you should have seen that compensation plan, adorned with multiple levels of commissions and rewards so convoluted not even Theseus would not even step into this intricate labyrinth of buzz words and corporate verbosity, yet, they eagerly sip the KoolAid of financial freedom and passive income of the “Jamboree Extravaganza of Entrepreneurship Conference ©️™️”, I taught them how to build their own network of driven entrepreneurs to perpetuate the ‘reverse funnel opportunity’ machine, as we grew used to calling it. So my loyal minions spread their wings and fly the seven seas to recruit more ‘independent distributors’ and take them under their sail, mainly people that also wanted to get rich quick, they could intern hire further Inadvertent Contributors to earn higher shares of their own profit, and maybe, even join me on stage at the next “Jamboree Extravaganza of Entrepreneurship Conference ©️™️”, my excitement knows no bounds as I see the hordes of relentless persuaders unleashing my innovative three-dimensional object featuring a polygonal foundation converging to a vertex business model upon the world, at every family gathering, distant cousin birthday or office pizza party they came across, sometimes even without breaking entrance, my audacious opportunist sigmacho men and sigladys women, spread my propaganda with each fervent pitch they deliver, as the passion and effort of each distributor radiates across the many reward levels of the thriving triangular prism-like arrangement gradually narrowing to an apex of success.

Me at the conference

Little did I know the fate that awaited me a couple of months later, see, I had become so focused on the luxurious business expenses lifestyle of fully necessary drip and cloth to promote the company, that when an emaciated man approached me to sell me a Nonslip Banana Peel subscription I didn’t hesitate to buy one from him, my compassionate gesture would make great content for my socials, my eyers glowed and my hand rubbed when he offered me to become an Independence Attributeor, in hindsaight, I shold have seen that it was my own message, so corrupted by the filthy peasants that I couldnt recognize it, what had they done to my boy?! but at that moment I just thought that it could be a ‘social experiment’, you know, like feeding thoothpaste to a homeless guy, I could even be followed by another film crew to make a documentary to show at the next “Jamboree Extravaganza of Entrepreneurship Conference ©️™️”, blinded by internet fame I set sail in this endeavor… a couple of months later I was fully broke, bringing the company down with me, as a snake that eats its own tail, my awe-inspiring pointy trapezoidal conglomerate, my Astounding-Apex Realm, my Magnificent-Monolith Majesty, my polygon-based framework exhibiting a progressively tapering configuration culminating in a solitary pinnacle Kingdom, my pyramid sheme, came down like a house of cards in the seven winds!

Out of the destruction came the Materialization

I was broken, financially not emotionally, my sigmaness wouldn allow it, forced to live on the hard-earned taxpayer money of the government rescue of “Jamboree LLC beacsuse it rimes”, since I was an expert in sales funnels, I fuelled all the money into my own account, with this financial stimulation at my disposal, I could live a modest life at first, but when I was down to my last couple billions is when I began to succumb to the stress, “Will I have to rent my yacht to filthy peasants that can’t afford their own?”, “I will feel embarrassshamed when I can’t participate in exclusive government lobbying events and rub shoulders with kings, queens and jacks at the blackjack table”, “If they audit me will they take my IKEA Family card?”, “Am I going to feel trapped in a cycle of struggle worrying about the color coordination of my solid gold toothbrushes with my diamond-encrusted bathroom fixtures”, all of that angst was eating from the inside out, I knew I had to do something, these feelings were driving me insane, in my quest to control it I discovered scrapbook journaling, using Intentions Ink, the stickiest stickers, washi tapes, and rounded edge scissors I could craft pages adorned with positive quotes and mantras, write powerful affirmations and intentions using colorful pens.

Jounling

The nurture power of the Affirmation Aesthetics combined with my ambition and brilliance that once pave the way to prosperity where the stepping stone to my most ambitious goal yet, a productivity book, I called it ‘The 3 A.M. work week: Unleash Your Inner Productivity Mr. Beast’, Through a frantic blend of empirically tested pseudo-science, “Success Stories of Infinitesimal Magnitude”, and high-pressure high-ticket-sales high-blood pressure taquicardics, don’t believe another fake guru charlatan fraudster, aside from this one, as I advocate for sacrificing sleep and personal well-being to the gods of productivity, they will be pleased, they told me personally. Are your kids distracting you from work? No excuses, give’em in adoption to the local pack of hungry wolves, for my seven-step method to real sigma productivity is the only way to success, your only truth, the ultimate path to true sigma grindness (grind + greatness)! Giga Chad levels of alpha sigmacho Masculinity (even if you are a woman). Since you have read so far, I will give you a free sneak peek into it, it normally costs more than one of my Diamond-Encrusted toilet seats that leave your but-chicks looking like a Faberge’s egg, but today I will give you the main pointers for free, If you are smart enough, which you are not, It will lead you to a path mediocre greatness of stupendous proportions, if you want full greatness, buy the book to read the full fool proof plan, nevertheless, it is as follows:

  1. Step One: The Cosmic Visualization Close your eyes and envision a celestial aura of productivity engulfing your entire being. Visualize your goals as shimmering stars, aligning in perfect harmony with the universe. Embrace the vision of a hyperefficient, multitasking maestro, fearlessly conquering tasks like a comet blazing through space.

  2. Step Two: The Manifestation Mantras Chant the sacred mantras of productivity, such as “Focus Flows Freely,” “Time Bends to My Will,” and “Efficiency Is My Birthright.” Let the cosmic vibrations resonate deep within, infusing your essence with the energy of productivity prowess.

  3. Step Seven: The Quantum Time Management Enter the time warp of quantum productivity! Befriend time itself as you bend and stretch it to your advantage. No longer confined by mundane schedules, you shall master time travel, teleporting effortlessly from one task to another.

  4. Step Two: The Power of Affirmation Automation Harness the force of affirmation automation! Create a legion of AI-powered affirmations that flood your mind, turning self-doubt into self-assuredness. Your subconscious mind shall become a supercomputer, tirelessly processing affirmations while you focus on achieving greatness.

  5. Step Five: The Cosmic Calendar Convergence Merge the mystical with the practical as you align your celestial aspirations with earthly schedules. Let the cosmic calendar convergence guide you, ensuring every second of your existence orbits around productivity perfection.

  6. Step Sixtynine (Nice): The Quantum Flow State Embrace the Quantum Flow State, where productivity surges like a supernova of creativity and efficiency. In this state, distractions crumble, and procrastination evaporates, leaving you with pure focus and productivity enlightenment.

  7. Step One: The Gravitational Goal Setting Set goals with the gravitational pull of a black hole, irresistibly drawing you toward success. Your aspirations shall be so potent that they effortlessly bend the fabric of reality, making success an inescapable destiny.

Cosmic

But remember, my eager acolytes, the true power lies not only in the astronomic quantum realm, but within yourselves.

As I penned these words on my computer screen, I broke it, and yet I cannot help but marvel at the grandiosity of my achievements and the mastery of the Greek alphabet forms of masculinity I’ve woven into my persona. Like a cult leader, I have cultivated a following that hangs on my every word, blindly accepting my self-proclaimed wisdom as gospel. They are but pawns in my grand scheme, puppets dancing to the tune of my enchanting rhetoric. And now you get to become one of them.

However, dear readers, let me impart a morsel of wisdom amidst the veiled tales of my glorious existence – a riddle wrapped in a conundrum before we close this chapter: the true enlightenment lies not in my words, but in the recognition of one’s own authentic path. The veil of my self-proclaimed greatness lifts to reveal the truth that we are all seekers on this cosmic voyage, and my journey, as fanciful as it may seem, is but a reflection of the universal quest for meaning and purpose.

As I bid you adieu, remember that life is an enigma, a riddle to unravel, and the pursuit of truth is a dance between reality and illusion, I comment further on this in my course about dance, only $4.99 for the following minutes.

K, bey, xoxoxoxoxo